Thursday 19 January 2012

Intelligent Men, or just Gorillas in the Mist?

I have been reading your blog, I hope you don't mind.
Sitting here with my cat, I lock all of my insecure emotions inside him,
He transforms them into the greatest feelings of Gratitude I can reach.
Having the responsibility of another being, keeping him alive,
does he know he is keeping me alive?
I remember a time you sent us boys a letter, I think you were moving, whoever read it to me did not make it clear, you had signed it Grandma By The Whales, I thought you were going to leave us all and leave the Earth, leave everything that limits your true being and swim with the whales for eternity.
I started crying really hard. How could they have possibly comforted me? I did not know the words to explain to them the feelings I had. We have obviously been traveling the cosmos together for some time.
. . . So, how could I blame them? They didn't understand, they had this thought, that they were all older than me. The feeling of being trapped is scary, but I've let that all go, I can't blame them, they are young. I don't resent that moment, I embrace it, it is me. I love you.
 . . . Have I even ever said those words to you? Please, know that you deserve them. You worked hard for them, teaching me, sharing your knowledge with me.. I didn't even ask for it, but I fully accepted all that you were, because, well, I just knew. You are my Grandmother. And a Grand Mother you are.
 . . . You taught me Gratitude, you taught me true Appreciation. You taught me to see Beauty in everything. There was actually a time(1-2 years prior to the present) that I walked through all of my favourite forests alone, listening to the trees talk to me, I actually believed this had all come to me on my own, but I have kept you with me in my heart since the day I left you.
 . . . My children will feel what I feel also, that is a Beauty. They will know your name, and everything you have done for me. And they will know everything that I will do for them. And they will  have their own experiences, as I have had away from you, my teacher.. And their children too will know their wisdom.. I can literally see the intellectual growth that you planted in my mind, in my future, and it is a Beauty that when that flower blooms, the wind will carry Her seeds to my children.
I will not fail where I believe many of us have today. It is impossible now, for me to overlook this fact.
 . . . I could call you Inspiring, but that is only 9 letters, and you deserve a library of nice words. You did not just Inspire me, you Changed me completely.

2 comments:

  1. Wow, Josh, this is the most beautiful letter EVER!!!!!! Thank you so much - those words are just words - but I most love that you walked through the forests you learned to love walking through them with me, and that you now carry me in your heart when you enjoy nature's beauty. It is really the best gift I could ever give you - nature has been my lover, my companion, my happiness and my comfort all my life - the sky itself has gotten me through some hard times....both ocean and forest teach us peace, when we listen.....and the big secret of life is - the longer you live, the more precious a gift this life is, and the more miraculous it all seems. If you learn this young, you will be ahead of the game - just being in the moment and breathing in its beauty - for there is ALWAYS beauty.

    I am excited that you are heading back up-Island. You have been missed. It will be interesting watching Casper and Otis and Penny all figure out the new "pack". I think Penny will Rule, she has that kind of sass. Just like Hope:)

    You know what? I have always given a lot, in this life, it is just how I'm made.....but I have received very few thank you's - and none more beautiful than yours.

    Thank you so much! You have made my day.

    p.s. Did you read One Year Today on my blog? I wrote it January 15th - one year to the day when Pup died. I still cry over him. I have lost a lot of people, places and things this lifetime, but his death hurt the worst somehow, all bound up in our shared love of the wilderness and our life in Tofino. I think maybe only another baby wolf will help that situation.When the time is right. I havent been feeling well, but am going to take his leash to Stamp Falls soon for the first time without him. That will be fairly major.

    See you soon. I'll come for coffee!

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    Replies
    1. I did read that one, I also particularly loved Wild Wolf Waiting. I cried reading them both!
      Your Soul Card entries are fantastic by the way.

      I can't wait to see you again!
      Let me know if you ever need someone to take Jas out for a walk :)
      I miss Stamp Falls a lot, I only went out there once on my own, it was really far on bike. :P

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